"Precious Little," based on the idea that people are just far to happy with life and need two hours of depressing, soul sucking viewing by Sapphire

Another film I have been witness to over the past weekend was "Precious" based on the novel "Something" by Someone. Besides having possibly the most irritatingly pretentious and agonizingly unnecessary title in movie history, it was an incredibly harsh and terribly over the top depiction of the craptastic life lived by this poor, poor girl. Here's a brief synopsis:

Poverty stricken, illiterate, African-American teenage mother has worst life imaginable. Mariah Carey wears no make-up. Mo-nique (?) cries lots at the end. Nothing gets solved. I feel so depressed I want to vomit. Roll credits. Notice Oprah and Tyler Perry have executive producer roles. Actually vomit. Call my Mum.

I don't know why I watched this. When it came out, I wasn't necessarily inclined to watch it at all. I heard it was powerful, and I thought it might be a feel-good kind of film. I was wrong. I thought it might be something perhaps to be inspired by. I was wrong. I thought there might be some enlightening denouement and possibly some things about the human spirit that I could take with me. I was very wrong. Basically I watched an impressively overweight teenage girl from the ghetto get shit on for 120 minutes. Good times?

Between being impregnated (twice!) by her father, and being beaten and basically enslaved by her mother, this insanely mentally decimated child has no education, no contact with anything positive, and is forced to dream of a life lived as a famous model, singer, or actress. Okay, okay. I'm sold. How can I help her? Tell me, I'll do it. Just tell me! Why won't you tell me-he-hee?! Unfortunately, the film offers no answers. She ends up going to an alternative school, and it starts to look like Dangerous Minds but with no hope.

No Coolio either.

My only thought while watching this was "what are they trying to accomplish with this fictionalized, almost sensationalistic story disguised as entertainment?" I found absolutely no joy, no satisfaction, and no clue as to why somebody would even write this, let alone green-light it for a studio. I guess it sells and wins awards. I mean you got the Big O behind you and let's not forget Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry brought to you by Tyler Perry's hand prints on it as well.

Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry.

And why does the novel HAVE to be mentioned in the title. It's like "oh by the way, if you didn't want to blow your head off just from watching this movie, here's a plug for the book so you will definitely be left with no other option after reading." This movie was horrible during awards season. Every time it was discussed or announced, it took five minutes of embarrassing recitation just to say "is nominated."

Wow, I sound pretty grumpy don't I. I sound like someone who has no soul or is a little hard-hearted. I might sound like someone who just sat through this film and can't understand why things are so shitty for some people. I don't believe in anything anymore! Well, I do but it is now a struggle. Thank you Ope, Tyler Perry Tyler Perry, and Sapphire for extracting the good thoughts and replacing them with more helpful and meaningfully useful negativity. Guess you needed the trophies.

I will say this. The scene were she steals the bucket of chicken is great. But seriously, you can't catch a 300 pound girl with a bookbag and a 15 piece?! Your business is going to crumble.

Steroids.

Life is a little better than all this. At least for some. And I'm not saying that stories like this shouldn't be told, but not fictional ones. Document the ones that are similar and stimulate change. If you don't, it's just glorified snuff meant to make award givers feel guilty and that they owe you something. And Gabourey and Mo-nique (seriously I don't have time to Google. is this how her name is spelled?!), you killed it. I was very impressed. But Gabby, if you ever host SNL again...now I feel like crying again.