Wow. Been almost a month since I've laid some truth on y'all. But ima keep it real and again lay out some idears and relinquish some skeletons that have filled up my walk-in. Again do not judge, simply nod, agree and remember, we are all friends here. This is a safe place.
Suggestion-When receiving any award, the Victor must be obliged to thank Satan as well. God may have helped them win, but Satan fucked over the other four.
Confession-Drinking has gotten in the way of many things in my life, but never my drinking. If that happens, I'm gonna start huffin'.
Suggestion-I think sharks should eat and attack more people. We're already scared of them, why not make it worth our while.
Confession-My baloney has a first name...it's Murray.
Suggestion-Vans with no windows should be followed at all times
Confession-I had pink hightops in grade four. My mum made me get them because Chuck Taylor's were too expensive. Oh, the torment.
Suggestion-Beer should make you skinnier, not fatter. Rowdy, drunken, lanky people are much easier to throw out of an establishment.
Confession-I LOVE that gum that tastes like soap. All you people are haters.
Suggestion-Weed should be legal...that is all.
Confession-I hope any daughter I have will be a lesbian. Even if I have 5. All lesbians.
Suggestion-They should have a marathon where the slowest person wins just to see idiots drop after strolling for ten years.
Confession-I hate 3-D movies. If I'm not actually on Pandora, don't make think that I am. Damn you Cameron.
Suggestion-Get rid of the amber light in traffic lights altogether. Then invest in a brake company.
Confession-I'm getting to the age where I think a runny nose means I have Cancer. Seriously.
Suggestion-Any time a homeless person asks you for change, ask him to tell you a joke first. He'll probably know one or two. That way, he's earning the money, you're paying for a service, and you both end up laughing together at the end. How nice is that? Unless the joke is something like,
"Guess what me and a Bear in January have in common?"
"What's that Homeless Guy (giggling, waiting, here it comes)."
"We both haven't eaten in a fuckin' month!"
"Oh. Here's $20."
Then, not so nice.
Confession-My second favourite football team is the Detroit Lions. That may not mean much to a lot of you, but to those who know what that means, it speaks volumes.
Suggestions-Change the name of manslaughter to "oopsie!" Bring a little levity to the trial. I'd plead guilty to an oopsie. Shoulder shrug and all.
Confession-I used to think Hilary Clinton was hot. USED TO!!!!
Well, that was fun wasn't it kids? Have a good day at school and don't eat the smelly markers. They may smell like blueberries, but they taste like burning. Love ya.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Wow, productive Saturday. Feelin' sexy good.
Temperature: 14 Celsius
Mood: Focused man!
Shower Song: We Major by Kanye West and Nas
Gettin' shit done. How good does this feel right now. I am now typing on my new desk I just put together, and lovin' every minute of it. Got some other shit organized, got my laundry gwannin', did some much needed grooming (won't go into any more detail there), and sippin' an a icy cold beery beverage. I feel inspired, hopeful even. Here's a haiku:
beneath messes found,
I discover order sought,
my soul is clean now.
Bright and shiny day. Learned how to play Passenger Seat by Death Cab on my piano. Picked up the guitar for the first time in a while too. Can't play it well yet, so just repeatedly strummed the only chords I know over and over, but still, good times. Here's another haiku:
in spaces now cleansed,
the world seems to need a King,
I nominate me!
Gonna read a bit now, or download some music, or make some cd's, or maybe learn some more songs. Any of those things would continue this day in a very positive and much needed way. It's true what they say. When everything is cluttered, so is your mind. Things feel a little less chaotic now. One last haiku:
I understand now,
small things make the difference,
I'm getting more beer.
Enjoy your day. Sometimes things are good.
Mood: Focused man!
Shower Song: We Major by Kanye West and Nas
Gettin' shit done. How good does this feel right now. I am now typing on my new desk I just put together, and lovin' every minute of it. Got some other shit organized, got my laundry gwannin', did some much needed grooming (won't go into any more detail there), and sippin' an a icy cold beery beverage. I feel inspired, hopeful even. Here's a haiku:
beneath messes found,
I discover order sought,
my soul is clean now.
Bright and shiny day. Learned how to play Passenger Seat by Death Cab on my piano. Picked up the guitar for the first time in a while too. Can't play it well yet, so just repeatedly strummed the only chords I know over and over, but still, good times. Here's another haiku:
in spaces now cleansed,
the world seems to need a King,
I nominate me!
Gonna read a bit now, or download some music, or make some cd's, or maybe learn some more songs. Any of those things would continue this day in a very positive and much needed way. It's true what they say. When everything is cluttered, so is your mind. Things feel a little less chaotic now. One last haiku:
I understand now,
small things make the difference,
I'm getting more beer.
Enjoy your day. Sometimes things are good.
Friday, April 9, 2010
And just for fun...
...a little Beeahtles. My favourite George song.
Ages 0-9, you like Ringo because he's fun and goofy. Ages 10-16, you like Paul because he's melodic and literal. Ages 17-27, you like John because he's angry and anti-establishment. Ages 28-Death, you like George because he writes songs that are beyond everything. Amazing.
Ages 0-9, you like Ringo because he's fun and goofy. Ages 10-16, you like Paul because he's melodic and literal. Ages 17-27, you like John because he's angry and anti-establishment. Ages 28-Death, you like George because he writes songs that are beyond everything. Amazing.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Redefining Real...or coming to terms...
Temperature: 9 Celsius
Mood: Confused
Shower Song: As Tears Go By by The Rolling Stones
For those of you that know me, or those who read this, you might notice that the word real, or various versions of the word, figures pretty prominently in my vocabulary and/or writing. It's a word or concept that I am on a continuous search for. It has, unfortunately, become a relentless struggle and arduous journey that I am sorry to say, I haven't reached the conclusion of. I have tried to see it in others, in certain situations, and in my own life, but to my great disappointment, I have yet to find it in anything more than fleeting periods. Believe me when I say, it has not been an easy journey, nor do I expect it to become any easier, but it is something that I cannot forsake. For anything to be of value to me, the realness must reveal itself. The problem occurs when one realizes that my interpretation of what is real and true, may not be someone else's. Their realness may contrast exactly with yours. This is what gives me headaches.
When you actually sit down and reflect on what matters to you, and seriously bring your value system into question, you would usually obtain some sort of definitive, uncompromising conclusion, that will steer you through the rest of your days. It's that moral compass you hear so much about and that soul you know you have. It allows us to maintain and come across some sort of identity and makes the word integrity make sense in a very real and personal way. Hey, I never really liked the Rolling Stones until I saw Gimme Shelter. When they were filmed getting into their hotel room, they flipped on the radio. You know who's songs they were listening to? Their own. How can you doubt the realness and integrity of a band when the one band's music they want to listen to, for pure enjoyment, was their's. That's real. That's what I'm talking about.
Effort in the face of indifference is putting on a show. Trying hard when it comes to things that matter, should not be of any consequence. Maintaining it, sure. But on the real, there shouldn't be anything of any purpose started or found without some sort of fate or serendipity. Look at your own life. I guarantee the things that have mattered the most or made the most impact, just happened. Relationships, careers, good luck, what have you. If it was something you felt was real, There was no effort involved in getting it off the ground. Keeping it there might have been a chore, but the genesis was pure and simple.
It's when these things that seem to fall in our lap and validate our entire concept of the realness we have been seeking, fall apart that we begin to maybe question or alter or views on what's real and what's not. If it started off perfectly, why does it end? Why is it troubled? Why can't my realness be achieved? Now do I have to rethink what matters to me and what I want? Maybe I expect too much and others might not be able to provide me with the realness I feel I deserve. Do I now have to settle for what is okay instead of my ultimate goal? We all think that at one time or another. But what does real mean to you?
It can be reached. You're not asking to much. There can be no way that your values and ideals can't be reciprocated and validated. You can't leave behind what you've strived to set out for yourself. Some may just take a little longer and require a little more patience. But what else really matters? Trusting your own judgment is very difficult sometimes. But if you've taken the time to really look and discover what you need and can't do without, it might make the time spent waiting, a little more manageable. Respect that. For real.
Mood: Confused
Shower Song: As Tears Go By by The Rolling Stones
For those of you that know me, or those who read this, you might notice that the word real, or various versions of the word, figures pretty prominently in my vocabulary and/or writing. It's a word or concept that I am on a continuous search for. It has, unfortunately, become a relentless struggle and arduous journey that I am sorry to say, I haven't reached the conclusion of. I have tried to see it in others, in certain situations, and in my own life, but to my great disappointment, I have yet to find it in anything more than fleeting periods. Believe me when I say, it has not been an easy journey, nor do I expect it to become any easier, but it is something that I cannot forsake. For anything to be of value to me, the realness must reveal itself. The problem occurs when one realizes that my interpretation of what is real and true, may not be someone else's. Their realness may contrast exactly with yours. This is what gives me headaches.
When you actually sit down and reflect on what matters to you, and seriously bring your value system into question, you would usually obtain some sort of definitive, uncompromising conclusion, that will steer you through the rest of your days. It's that moral compass you hear so much about and that soul you know you have. It allows us to maintain and come across some sort of identity and makes the word integrity make sense in a very real and personal way. Hey, I never really liked the Rolling Stones until I saw Gimme Shelter. When they were filmed getting into their hotel room, they flipped on the radio. You know who's songs they were listening to? Their own. How can you doubt the realness and integrity of a band when the one band's music they want to listen to, for pure enjoyment, was their's. That's real. That's what I'm talking about.
Effort in the face of indifference is putting on a show. Trying hard when it comes to things that matter, should not be of any consequence. Maintaining it, sure. But on the real, there shouldn't be anything of any purpose started or found without some sort of fate or serendipity. Look at your own life. I guarantee the things that have mattered the most or made the most impact, just happened. Relationships, careers, good luck, what have you. If it was something you felt was real, There was no effort involved in getting it off the ground. Keeping it there might have been a chore, but the genesis was pure and simple.
It's when these things that seem to fall in our lap and validate our entire concept of the realness we have been seeking, fall apart that we begin to maybe question or alter or views on what's real and what's not. If it started off perfectly, why does it end? Why is it troubled? Why can't my realness be achieved? Now do I have to rethink what matters to me and what I want? Maybe I expect too much and others might not be able to provide me with the realness I feel I deserve. Do I now have to settle for what is okay instead of my ultimate goal? We all think that at one time or another. But what does real mean to you?
It can be reached. You're not asking to much. There can be no way that your values and ideals can't be reciprocated and validated. You can't leave behind what you've strived to set out for yourself. Some may just take a little longer and require a little more patience. But what else really matters? Trusting your own judgment is very difficult sometimes. But if you've taken the time to really look and discover what you need and can't do without, it might make the time spent waiting, a little more manageable. Respect that. For real.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Playin' the role...
Temperature: 13 Celsius
Mood: Tired (sick and)
Shower Song: Maybe Tomorrow by The Jackson 5
So you like a girl. You think she likes you back. Or, you had a girl. It's done now. But, you didn't want it to be. But against your will, it is. Or you think that a girl might like you. If only she could see a certain part of you. So, in all cases, you try to create a persona and a behavior that is FAR from what is really going on in your head and consequently, FAR from who you really are at this particular time. Some would call it game. Some would call it swagger. No matter what people would call it, It all adds up to the same thing. It ain't you. Not you right now.
It's a very harrowing thing to realize that you are completely acting like someone you are not. Especially in the midst of your actions. Depending on the situation, you hype yourself up to act a certain way to get a result. But, that's the key. You have to get a result. The result you want. If the outcome falls short, or doesn't occur in the way you envisioned, not only are you frustrated and confused, you are ashamed of the way you allowed yourself to alter what you had worked so hard to define. Namely, yourself.
These moments. These changes brought about by bouts of sheer desperation, or perhaps, advice from those who care and want to help but cannot relate at THEIR particular time, can break someone and leave you completely torn and lost. It's probably the last resort. It's probably the easiest way. But without the happy ending, the futility is gargantuan. Even with the most successful denouement, it leaves you with a missing piece. Something fraudulent has happened. Something lacking realness. Something hollow and empty. Should it really be this way?
Everybody would definitely say no. It should be organic and nature should obviously take it's course. The person should like you for you and other such cliches. Just be yourself and things will work out. But who are you? In everyday life when things are fucking great, you know exactly who you are. And who you are is just fine, thanks. If it weren't, why would things be so good. You confirm your essence by how things around you are. If everything is wicked-awesome, guess what you are? And you ride that feeling and your definition is that you are gettin' it right. You got the secret. You know the game, and better yet, you're winning.
But then you start losing. Things start to change. What then?
It's when we lose, when we find ourselves without answers, without direction, and without a reason, that our test begins. We scramble and ingest advice and counsel from people who are in a completely different state than ours. Not because we want to, but because that's all we got, now that we don't trust ourselves and who we thought we were. The problem is that the only person that can figure it out, is you. You. That's it. All actions, all permutations of you, are an elaborate guise to achieve what is necessary at that particular time, when, in actuality, it's an incredibly unfulfilling siege that leaves you broken and fragmented.
The victory is attained when you come to terms with the fact that the only way to accomplish the happiness, the contentment, the result sought, is to trust yourself and your character. Think about who you are, and more importantly, who you want to be. It's in these times that we should be grateful that we are who we are. That we know the person we know. That we be the person we be. In good times, we think very little about who or what we are because things are working out. We just enjoy the fruits. It's in the worst of times, we become defined, we become whole, we recognize who we really are. We should grasp these opportunities, even though they suck, to rediscover ourselves and realize that no amount of posturing or disguising will bring any prolonged or substantial satisfaction. It only comes with our truth. And as frustrated and impatient as we may become, it is the only route to what we are really trying to accomplish. Nothing real is achieved from acting. And if it isn't real, it's not worth it.
*doesn't have anything to do with the narrative, but this song is ridiculous!
Mood: Tired (sick and)
Shower Song: Maybe Tomorrow by The Jackson 5
So you like a girl. You think she likes you back. Or, you had a girl. It's done now. But, you didn't want it to be. But against your will, it is. Or you think that a girl might like you. If only she could see a certain part of you. So, in all cases, you try to create a persona and a behavior that is FAR from what is really going on in your head and consequently, FAR from who you really are at this particular time. Some would call it game. Some would call it swagger. No matter what people would call it, It all adds up to the same thing. It ain't you. Not you right now.
It's a very harrowing thing to realize that you are completely acting like someone you are not. Especially in the midst of your actions. Depending on the situation, you hype yourself up to act a certain way to get a result. But, that's the key. You have to get a result. The result you want. If the outcome falls short, or doesn't occur in the way you envisioned, not only are you frustrated and confused, you are ashamed of the way you allowed yourself to alter what you had worked so hard to define. Namely, yourself.
These moments. These changes brought about by bouts of sheer desperation, or perhaps, advice from those who care and want to help but cannot relate at THEIR particular time, can break someone and leave you completely torn and lost. It's probably the last resort. It's probably the easiest way. But without the happy ending, the futility is gargantuan. Even with the most successful denouement, it leaves you with a missing piece. Something fraudulent has happened. Something lacking realness. Something hollow and empty. Should it really be this way?
Everybody would definitely say no. It should be organic and nature should obviously take it's course. The person should like you for you and other such cliches. Just be yourself and things will work out. But who are you? In everyday life when things are fucking great, you know exactly who you are. And who you are is just fine, thanks. If it weren't, why would things be so good. You confirm your essence by how things around you are. If everything is wicked-awesome, guess what you are? And you ride that feeling and your definition is that you are gettin' it right. You got the secret. You know the game, and better yet, you're winning.
But then you start losing. Things start to change. What then?
It's when we lose, when we find ourselves without answers, without direction, and without a reason, that our test begins. We scramble and ingest advice and counsel from people who are in a completely different state than ours. Not because we want to, but because that's all we got, now that we don't trust ourselves and who we thought we were. The problem is that the only person that can figure it out, is you. You. That's it. All actions, all permutations of you, are an elaborate guise to achieve what is necessary at that particular time, when, in actuality, it's an incredibly unfulfilling siege that leaves you broken and fragmented.
The victory is attained when you come to terms with the fact that the only way to accomplish the happiness, the contentment, the result sought, is to trust yourself and your character. Think about who you are, and more importantly, who you want to be. It's in these times that we should be grateful that we are who we are. That we know the person we know. That we be the person we be. In good times, we think very little about who or what we are because things are working out. We just enjoy the fruits. It's in the worst of times, we become defined, we become whole, we recognize who we really are. We should grasp these opportunities, even though they suck, to rediscover ourselves and realize that no amount of posturing or disguising will bring any prolonged or substantial satisfaction. It only comes with our truth. And as frustrated and impatient as we may become, it is the only route to what we are really trying to accomplish. Nothing real is achieved from acting. And if it isn't real, it's not worth it.
*doesn't have anything to do with the narrative, but this song is ridiculous!
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