Temperature: 9 Celsius
Mood: Confused
Shower Song: As Tears Go By by The Rolling Stones
For those of you that know me, or those who read this, you might notice that the word real, or various versions of the word, figures pretty prominently in my vocabulary and/or writing. It's a word or concept that I am on a continuous search for. It has, unfortunately, become a relentless struggle and arduous journey that I am sorry to say, I haven't reached the conclusion of. I have tried to see it in others, in certain situations, and in my own life, but to my great disappointment, I have yet to find it in anything more than fleeting periods. Believe me when I say, it has not been an easy journey, nor do I expect it to become any easier, but it is something that I cannot forsake. For anything to be of value to me, the realness must reveal itself. The problem occurs when one realizes that my interpretation of what is real and true, may not be someone else's. Their realness may contrast exactly with yours. This is what gives me headaches.
When you actually sit down and reflect on what matters to you, and seriously bring your value system into question, you would usually obtain some sort of definitive, uncompromising conclusion, that will steer you through the rest of your days. It's that moral compass you hear so much about and that soul you know you have. It allows us to maintain and come across some sort of identity and makes the word integrity make sense in a very real and personal way. Hey, I never really liked the Rolling Stones until I saw Gimme Shelter. When they were filmed getting into their hotel room, they flipped on the radio. You know who's songs they were listening to? Their own. How can you doubt the realness and integrity of a band when the one band's music they want to listen to, for pure enjoyment, was their's. That's real. That's what I'm talking about.
Effort in the face of indifference is putting on a show. Trying hard when it comes to things that matter, should not be of any consequence. Maintaining it, sure. But on the real, there shouldn't be anything of any purpose started or found without some sort of fate or serendipity. Look at your own life. I guarantee the things that have mattered the most or made the most impact, just happened. Relationships, careers, good luck, what have you. If it was something you felt was real, There was no effort involved in getting it off the ground. Keeping it there might have been a chore, but the genesis was pure and simple.
It's when these things that seem to fall in our lap and validate our entire concept of the realness we have been seeking, fall apart that we begin to maybe question or alter or views on what's real and what's not. If it started off perfectly, why does it end? Why is it troubled? Why can't my realness be achieved? Now do I have to rethink what matters to me and what I want? Maybe I expect too much and others might not be able to provide me with the realness I feel I deserve. Do I now have to settle for what is okay instead of my ultimate goal? We all think that at one time or another. But what does real mean to you?
It can be reached. You're not asking to much. There can be no way that your values and ideals can't be reciprocated and validated. You can't leave behind what you've strived to set out for yourself. Some may just take a little longer and require a little more patience. But what else really matters? Trusting your own judgment is very difficult sometimes. But if you've taken the time to really look and discover what you need and can't do without, it might make the time spent waiting, a little more manageable. Respect that. For real.
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